Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
