haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
