he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
