Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
false alarm. still invincible.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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