We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
