I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.