Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober

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  (403): i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober http://tfl.nu/y1xh
  Replies (28) Good night (1180) Bad night (3946)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?

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  (618): so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal? http://tfl.nu/0hlu
  Replies (15) Good night (4910) Bad night (781)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal

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  (407): No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal http://tfl.nu/6ttq
  Replies (10) Good night (3677) Bad night (1055)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think

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  (317): Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think http://tfl.nu/kspc
  Replies (16) Good night (4344) Bad night (3237)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar

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  (317): Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar http://tfl.nu/plcg
  Replies (13) Good night (5685) Bad night (1171)
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  (714): View more from California

  drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

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  (714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well. http://tfl.nu/2mtg
  Replies (26) Good night (8223) Bad night (1506)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?

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  (413): She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy? http://tfl.nu/obto
  Replies (12) Good night (1454) Bad night (5471)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.

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  (907): Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen. http://tfl.nu/l4cq
  Replies (11) Good night (3455) Bad night (1023)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

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  (218): The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME http://tfl.nu/4k9l
  Replies (15) Good night (4575) Bad night (1410)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.

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  (914): I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements. http://tfl.nu/p1je
  Replies (8) Good night (1508) Bad night (546)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.

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  (+44): I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed. http://tfl.nu/rr9p
  Replies (2) Good night (829) Bad night (275)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"

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  (519): The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING" http://tfl.nu/92g2
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (265)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded

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  (304): Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded http://tfl.nu/tqk6
  Replies (3) Good night (461) Bad night (370)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago

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  (440): Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago http://tfl.nu/7mtt
  Replies (0) Good night (434) Bad night (450)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye

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  (913): so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye http://tfl.nu/o046
  Replies (3) Good night (519) Bad night (706)

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