Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant

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  (212): I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant http://tfl.nu/ncxa
  Replies (9) Good night (800) Bad night (1384)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?

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  (740): I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/jir7
  Replies (73) Good night (1371) Bad night (14589)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way

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  (972): The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way http://tfl.nu/ldbl
  Replies (22) Good night (5275) Bad night (1560)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach

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  (774): Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach http://tfl.nu/gl5r
  Replies (3) Good night (4387) Bad night (937)
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  (559): View more from California

  Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.

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  (559):Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination. http://tfl.nu/eipz
  Replies (5) Good night (1755) Bad night (703)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.

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  (401): No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions. http://tfl.nu/2pla
  Replies (3) Good night (1336) Bad night (698)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.

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  (601): I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak. http://tfl.nu/j26q
  Replies (19) Good night (723) Bad night (3349)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own

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  (512): Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own http://tfl.nu/8nr0
  Replies (12) Good night (1884) Bad night (654)
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  (530): View more from California

  Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.

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  (530): Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking. http://tfl.nu/izw9
  Replies (8) Good night (1492) Bad night (670)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.

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  (317): I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes. http://tfl.nu/hbk8
  Replies (5) Good night (582) Bad night (838)
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  (949): View more from California

  You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.

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  (949): You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on. http://tfl.nu/pfvu
  Replies (2) Good night (431) Bad night (704)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.

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  (904): That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring. http://tfl.nu/5dnd
  Replies (1) Good night (613) Bad night (305)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.

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  (+61): I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night. http://tfl.nu/wtly
  Replies (3) Good night (367) Bad night (609)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard

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  (847): You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard http://tfl.nu/8q9y
  Replies (0) Good night (611) Bad night (290)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.

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  (281): You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting. http://tfl.nu/do5z
  Replies (0) Good night (393) Bad night (161)

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