Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Less talking, more tequila
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
