Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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