You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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