Your dad touched me again.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
