nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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