Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
