He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
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There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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