Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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