He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
