Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
