I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
