I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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