Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
