Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
