so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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