I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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