That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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