its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We left the knife in your bed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
