so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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