rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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