In the future we'll all be gay
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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