there's paper in my vomit.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
