Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Screwed.edu
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just had sex on a roof
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
