Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
