i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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