I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
