just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
