2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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