im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
