all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
