Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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