a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My nipple is on Facebook.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
