somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
