I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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