Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You made out with two different species that night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
