she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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