If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My dick has a subreddit
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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