It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
