I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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