My friends, they love my intelligence
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
