Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
