you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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