ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
