I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
