I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
