I wish I only lived at night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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