If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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