Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
