I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Are my feet made of real feet?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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