If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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