i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
