I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
