nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
