so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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