the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ugly people sure do ruin things
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
