Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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