all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
