So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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