I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize