My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
