yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
