The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
