Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
