Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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