it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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