am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
