put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
